Um, no. Sadly, no.
Although the new job has surprised me, in a good way--a really good way--and turned into a full time gig with all the trimmings. I wasn't sure if I would be doing hospice again, and here I am doing hospice again, and with a far better company. My new company is even "The Official Healthcare Partner of the Boston Bruins" (not to be confused with actually providing healthcare to the B's, though I have made a few jokes that if Patrice Bergeron goes on VNA I'm switching departments, just in case), which I took as a positive sign from the Universe when I accepted the per diem position in December. I was correct.
The Bruins have turned into my emotional center, as a matter of fact (besides my kids, and family, and friends, and patients, and other people I actually know), which probably means I'm a guy, but that's fine. You gotta have something. It didn't work out with the man I was seeing, and we broke it off in mid-January. We have kept on talking on the phone, but that has dwindled down to infrequent as we don't seem to have much to say anymore.
It's sad. Really sad. Really, really. I admit it.
It had nothing to do with him, or me, or the combination of us, as stupid as that sounds...it was a whole other thing. It was a situation that was just incompatible with "serious relationship", and yeah, I want a serious relationship, not a pasttime. The last guy was a pasttime, and I'm not knocking that if that's the only thing anyone wants, and I sometimes wish that was the only thing I wanted, too, but it isn't.
I feel like what happened was this...I met the Man of my Dreams (don't get cynical--he kinda was that, don't laugh--I can be cynical enough on my own, obviously, but thank you), and he said to me one day as we were walking hand in hand through the dappled sunlight (okay, that's cynicism again, sorry), "Babydoll, I gotta confess, I run guns for a gang. So that means I'm probably going to bleed to death in a dumpster somewhere within the next year or two, or get arrested and spend the rest of my middle age in jail. We make a great team, though, me and you. So whaddaya say, beautiful? Are you out, or are you in?"
And I blinked at him once or twice and said, "I don't know. Are you sure? You aren't messing with my head? This is what you are about? Because I'm pretty sure we were made for each other! But darling, that would be no way for a girl like me to live, tormented with the thought of her man dying every day and wishing every night he was not out there on the streets, in the darkness, doing nothing to benefit anybody.
"I think I have to say I'm out, my love."
He nodded slowly, in understanding and sorrow.
That's not what happened, of course...but close enough. And that was that.
Valentine's Day I went to the Garden to see the Bruins play the Rangers with my daughter.
Yep, my daughter! I have turned her into a hockey fan, and am working on her brother, but he still prefers shows on Nick or playing his DSi. She asked for a T-shirt with number 19, Tyler Seguin (very age appropriate as he's the youngest Bruin, excellent in offense, and a cutie pie--I'm quite pleased with her), and wants to go to another game before the season ends, as do I, but I don't think we'll make it. I'll look into it, though.
After I get a computer this week. That's the thing I didn't mention! The real reason why I haven't been blogging! Insufficient online access. I lost my car and my computer to the last job, but have taken care of one, and am on the verge of taking care of the other.
Life is very sweet right now.
But in one significant way, very lonely.
I didn't know how lonely I was until it didn't work out with that man.
I hope he does well...but as for me...
Go, B's!!!!!!
1 comment:
for a guy, you are quite the romantic ! and articulate to boot.
j
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